Currently Watching 24 - Seasons 1-5 see related

24 has taken over my life.

And I don't care.

Season 5 comes out Tuesday and then it will be time to watch Season 6. I am excited.

Currently Watching Gilmore Girls - The Complete Sixth Season By Lauren Graham, Alexis Bledel, Melissa McCarthy, Scott Patterson, Keiko Agena, Yanic Truesdale, Jared Padalecki, Liza Weil, Milo Ventimiglia, Sean Gunn, Chris Eigeman, Matt Czuchry, Kelly Bishop, Edward Herrmann see related

So many changes!! Some sad, some happy.

Sad first. Matt and Nicole, my youth pastors of 6, almost 7 years are going to be leaving September 24th. It's very sad. They have meant so much to me! Nicole has become such an awesome best friend and Matt has always been like a brother to me. And now with Trinity around it's sad to see her go too. She liked me! Ha. But I know they are doing what God wants. They will be moving to Virginia and who knows maybe in a year or so I will move there with them. It sounds like a good plan to me!! I will miss them a lot.

Happy thing...I got a new car!! A 2006 Jeep Liberty. It's black, so pretty! I love it. It makes me really happy. So now I have a new car...I'm still at Grinders, working 40 hours a week but I'm there. I'm secretly looking for a new job. I may get Nicole's old one...we shall see.

So good and bad things have been happening to me but I am pretty happy with a lot. I love life right now...does anyone read this?? Ha...guess we'll find out. Comment me if you do, if not comment my Myspace! I love you all!

Meredith

I feel like I need to write something, like I need to get all these emotions and things out somewhere but I'm not sure what needs to be said. I'm not the type of person that can say things and be alright if it hurts people or upsets them but I think that needs to change. Not that I'm going to become this mean, cold-hearted person, I just need to learn to stand up for myself and not be afraid to say what I want.

This past year or so has been rough. It hasn't been my favorite time to say the least. I've made some choices I haven't been too proud of and I've put myself in situations that just didn't need to happen. I look back and notice that things could have been a lot easier if I wasn't so selfish and thinking about what Meredith wanted all the time. But you can't live in the past. I can say I have learned from it and that is something that will help later on but I have to move on from the past. What I've done is done. God has forgiven me and now I must let go and forgive myself. It's hard when you hurt someone. You always tell them that you know how it feels, you've been hurt before too, we all know the lines. But when it does happen to you, you hate it. I think what I hate the most is the sinking feeling that's in your stomach, knowing you were just let down. I've been let down a lot these past few months and weeks. I've also let others done too. I can honestly say, and I'm not taking the blame because that's what I do, but it is my fault that I have been hurt. Yes, being in relationships and ending them sucks but it's a risk. I have always said that. It's always easier to be the one letting go, the one not hurting in the end but when it comes to you hurting, it's not a fun thing. I do know this is something I won't dwell on because once again this is now part of my past and I have to let it go. I am excited for things to come because I do now have this mindset of letting things happen in God's time. I've always been the type to have someone, a significant other, to make me feel loved. Well, I'm done with that. What's the point? Unless it is the one you are meant to be with, why waste your time? I guess I'm too that point. For the first time, I have nothing to fall back on and I have no desire to go back into something. I am free. Not to do what I want and go out and have flings, but I am free to be myself. To love myself and most importantly to get the relationship with God I so need and desire. I think, for once, my eyes have finally been opened. I have learned a lot from these past relationships and I can honestly say there is no bitterness. I am ok and that's what matters to me at this point. I have lost friendships and I have possibly, in time, gained friendships. All things work together for good...that's what I've always heard and I plan on living that out. God has a plan for me and it's time I start living in His plan and not trying to make my own. I am thankful for all I have been through and if I hadn't taken the risks, I wouldn't be where I am today. It means a lot to me to have caring friends and caring parents...I know I have people I can always count on. And even when times get rough, or rough for me, I know I have people that will surround me and I know most of all I have a God that loves me and He is just waiting for me to fall into His arms and come to Him to rescue me.

All this sounds like I am so depressed but in all reality I am very happy I have gone through what I have these past few weeks. It has taught me a lot. It has meant a lot to me too. I know good things will come out of it and I am looking forward to that day. For now, it is me time. Selfish? I don't think so. I've needed this time and I know that every time I've had that chance satan has thrown a "love interest" into my path. He knows I long and desire to be with someone so he will do anything in his power to keep me from having that love and desire for God, the one that truly matters. All I know is it is about time I stop looking for things and stop trying to make my life happen. It is in God's hands. All of it. I give it all away. I'm done, no more of me but all of Him.

This is crazy...I just looked at my xanga site for the first time in years!! Not really...Haha.

Summer...it's going well. I'm enjoying it so far.